Dating

I got married @ 18. My husband was 26. I was so excited to get married.... Not because he was the love of my life.... No I was just excited to start my life. I don't know why I felt like getting married was the way to start MY life.

If I had only know back then that this is MY life.. And there is something magical about being an independent women. I have no idea where I would be today if I hadn't gotten hitched @ 18.

Being Ty's wife taught me so much. I have a lot of wonderful memories of being his wife. I have three amazing children from him. Being his wife I learned how to put others first, how to be a partner, how to be selfless, how to feel insecure, to never be enough, to question everything I believed to be true, I learned my self worth, I learned that I am a loving joyful passionate women, that I'm ok being alone.... And at the end I learned to let go.

Divorce is hard. It's still hard for me 2 years later. Now that I am fully in a new relationship with a man who loves me and my body... It's still hard.

The loneliness I had in my marriage is now replaced with guilt. Guilt doesn't always stay with me... Somedays I'm filled with confidence ... But guilt has its own living space inside me and can consume me as needed.

So as I always say.... Keep breathing

Love this

Day ONE

WEll I have been thinking about this for a while now. Starting a blog that is. I just feel like I am learning SO many lessons that I need to write them down. If only for my own children to one day read. Or maybe for others that choose the path I have choosen. But Anyway here I am writing down my life lessons, thought, and wisdom.

At this point in my life I am 33 years old. Single mother of 3 amazing children. Samantha 11, Connor 9 and Zachary 4. I never in my wildest dreams did I think that I would be a DIVORCED women. ONLY lazy STUPID girls did that. That was NEVER going to be me. I was living the perfect life and no one believed it more than me.

Unitl one day I looked in the mirror and was honest about what I really wanted in life. Looking in the mirror was one of the hardest things to do. I had to look at all of the things that none of us want to every really pay attention to. Like the fact that I had been married to a man for 12 years who I never had a passionate sexual realtionship with. That we were having sex only because it was what husband and wife did. That we had moved over 10 times in search for happiness. That in 12 years of marriage my own mother in law had never called me on the phone. But most of all I felt trapped.